What is the worst sin you’ve ever committed? I have spent a lot of time thinking about this recently; maybe too much, but I cannot always control what thoughts enter my head. Spurgeon said, “All sins are great sins, but yet some sins are greater than others.” I am still unsure how to judge the seriousness of my sins. Should I consider which sins had the worst consequences? Is the amount of harm I caused to myself or to others most important? How much worse are repeated sins compared to one-time sins? Is the amount of embarrassment and shame I would experience if my sin became known important? Should how much I broke someone’s trust matter? How wicked are those sins of unrepentant disobedience where I do not feel particularly guilty or repentant? Are public sins worse than private sins? My list is long, and no matter how much I hated and repented of my past sins, I could not seem to completely break free of the guilt and disgrace of what I had done. It took a while, but I finally found comfort in Jesus’ words to two sinners.
In John 5, Jesus heals a lame man and tells him to “sin no more”. In John 8, Jesus saves an adulterous woman who was about to be stoned. When the woman departed, He told her to “go and sin no more.” Jesus did not tell either sinner to “think about what you’ve done.” He did not tell them to make amends or to unburden their heart to others. Jesus did not demand that they offer sacrifices to God. He did not recommend a multi-step plan. All of these responses to sin may have their place, but none of those activities can change the past. Too often our response to our sin causes us to dwell unnecessarily on the past. But Jesus commanded these sinners to accept God’s grace and focus their hatred of their sin both on the here-and-now and on the future.
So how do I respond in a hopeful and helpful way to my guilt and regrets? One passage has been quite helpful. In 2 Corinthians 7 Paul contrasts godly guilt that leads to repentance and greater intimacy with God against worldly grief that lacks any redemptive purpose and leads to death. Also, throughout the Psalms, God’s people have prayed for God to examine their hearts and show their hidden faults (Psalms 139, 26, 19). But finding and pointing out my sins is the easy part. Praying for God to “lead us not into temptation” (Matthew 6) and to “lead me in the everlasting way” (Psalm 139) is a reminder of the priority of living in the present and looking to the future without reliving the past.
In hindsight, if I had spent more time reading the Bible, listening to godly preaching, and participating in Christian fellowship and small group study, then maybe I would have been reminded of Jesus’ words of comfort sooner. Then again, perhaps my months of struggle prepared me to listen and to obey the Word of God when I was reminded of what Jesus said. All I know is that focusing the hatred of my sin on what I am currently thinking and doing (or not doing) is a much more hopeful response to Jesus’ command to “go and sin no more.”